Mother Of All MarySues
by Arsinoe Selene
Summary: Typical Mary-Sue. Not to be taken seriously. Please, don't. Co-written with The Evil Cup of Tea. Mary-Sue falls in love with Will, goes to save her'people'. Don't ask, just, don't.
1. Plotlessness

Summary: Good grief, what are we doing? Co-written story between Arsinoe Selene and The  
  
Evil Cup of Tea [whose A/Ns will be in brackets]. Major Mary-Sue, please, don't take this  
  
seriously. Flames will be used to make campfire s'mores [or possibly hot dogs]. And laughed at.  
  
Disclaimer: Uh, The Evil Cup of Tea owns the major events, plotline, and most of the ideas [not  
  
really, I stole 'em from other Mary-Sues I've read]. I put it together, but neither one of us own  
  
Will, Elizabeth, or anything related to them. I don't think we even own Nicole, well partially.  
  
444444444444  
  
Nicole Mary-Sue Lovelock was wandering about her town, heading in the general  
  
direction of Port Royal.  
  
Her life was tragically tragic. When she was three, her father left her and her mother, and  
  
was presumed dead. The only thing she had to remember him was a gold star pendant with  
  
diamonds surrounding it. And when she was five, her mother was tragically run over in a tragic  
  
carriage accident. She was tragically placed in a foster home, where she would be beaten every  
  
day for undisclosed reasons. When she was twelve she ran away. She lived on the streets until  
  
she was eighteen, when she got a job working for the blacksmith in town.  
  
The forge had no ill effect on her cascading, golden wheat colored hair, which flowed  
  
down to her waist. It also had no effect on her stunning beauty, which was said to have rivaled  
  
Helen of Troy. The owner of the shop, Mr. Grey, affectionately called her Sweet Little Nikki,   
  
for she had a sweet singing voice, and was extremely thin. When she worked, she would often   
  
sing.  
  
Despite her beauty, she was extremely good with a sword, and could beat anyone she   
  
faced. Her eyes were a sparkling sea green, but flecks of different colors appear with her   
  
different moods.  
  
She came across another blacksmith shop, with the name Brown on the side. She had  
  
heard that a very handsome blacksmith worked there. Walking in, she finds a young man just  
  
taking off his cape and hat.  
  
"Hello. May I-" He stopped. His eyes caught on Nicole's beautiful face, and  
  
her cascading, golden wheat colored hair, which flowed down to her waist. Elizabeth is forced  
  
from his mind, and replaced with this new golden wheat haired young lady. She gently puts a  
  
lock of her golden hair behind her ear, and walks down to stand closer to him. A look of   
  
wonder was on her face.  
  
"Hi." She says.  
  
"Hi." He says, trance-like.  
  
"I'm Nicole Lovelock."  
  
"Hi." He says again. She giggles.  
  
"Do you have a name?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Can you tell me?"  
  
"Sure." He breaks out of the trance. "Uh, Will Turner." Her beauty amazes him.  
  
"Really?" This was the blacksmith she had come to see.  
  
"You know, we just met, but it feels like we've known each other-" he pauses, and she  
  
picks up the sentence.  
  
"all our lives." {A/N}  
  
"Yes." He sounds a little uncertain.  
  
4444444444444  
  
Plotless right now, I know. There is a rather strange plot coming up later, though. [Plotless?!  
  
How dare you say plotless?! It has a plot! Mary-Sue comes to Port Royal, and her tragically  
  
tragic past is explained, and- nevermind.]  
  
A/N- I don't own that portion, from "Hi." to "all our lives." That was in an Angry Beavers  
  
episode. 


	2. plot holes, and Elizabeth

Disclaimer: We still don't own anything, and if you try to sue us, you won't get much. We don't really have very much money. Can't even buy a camcorder...

'Ey, should I put in a sound track? I think I will.

**_Aussiesportstar:_** Yes, crazy. It gets even more so later.

**_The Evil Cup of Tea:_** Your unbiased opinion, eh? Right.

44444444444444

The two of them spend the rest of the day together. Every second Will looks upon her cascading, golden wheat colored hair and her beautiful face, he falls even more madly in love with her.

Before she leaves, Will kisses her goodbye. The kiss lasts for several minutes. During which, Elizabeth comes in.

"Will." Nothing. "Will! WILL!" They break off, and Will looks at Elizabeth. "Who is this?" Will finds he can't speak, so she introduces herself.

"Nicole Marysue Lovelock." Elizabeth stares at her for a moment, then turns back to Will.

"Will, she is pure evil, I can feel it. She must be destroyed!" This comment makes Will furious. Cue 'American Woman'.

"I love her. You are just jealous that I like her better than you. Just because I changed my mind, doesn't make it right for you to put her down like that." Nicole stands behind Will, looking over his shoulder and flashing her dazzlingly white smile.

"I'm beginning to wonder if I did the right thing saving you from the pirates. I will save you from her clutches. I swear to it." She walks out of the shop, and Nicole starts to follow.

"Where are you going? Are you angry?" Will asks in a sweet voice.

"Yes, but not at you." She leaves him alone, and follows after Elizabeth. Will stands there for a moment, then shakes his head slightly and gets to work on a new sword.

After an undisclosed amount of time, neither one of them have come back. He decides to go out and look for them, in case something happened to Nicole.

"Excuse me," he asks a man sitting outside. "did you see Nicole pass by here?" despite being from another town, the man knows who he is talking about.

"Yeah, she was following Elizabeth. That girl's really a pretty little thing. Looked like they were heading to the fort." Will thanks him and walks quickly towards the fort.

At the top of the fort, he sees Nicole, crying, and cradling her left arm. He runs up to her, worried. Despite being the best at using a sword, Elizabeth had somehow made her break her arm.

"Where is Elizabeth?" Nicole points off the edge of the fort. Will looks down, and sees an expanding area of red. Elizabeth had fallen off the fort again, only this time, she didn't miss the rocks. He turns back to Nicole, and takes her back to the shop and sets her arm, though he is a blacksmith, not a doctor.

44444444444444

Next chapter for you nice reviewers.


	3. Ddaddy?

Disclaimer: The leprechaun in my freezer tells me that we don't own anything.

**_Kale:_** (hands him some adult diapers) Thanks.

**_Sunshine304:_** Yes, they are fun aren't they?

**_(no name):_** Ay, Aus! You forgot to sign in! And Elizabeth is (does Dr. Evil quote fingers) dead.

**_Stephanie:_** Yes, you found it! Plot? What plot?

4444444444444

That evening, she walks home alone, because it is much more dramatic than having Will walk her home. She passes a man on her left, who gives her a strange look. All she can tell on the darkness is that he has a tri-cornered hat, and a long coat. Still walking, she hears him follow behind her. Her right hand comes to rest on the hilt of her sword. She opens the door to her shop and walks in. A hand grabs hers on the hilt of her sword, and another one grabs her shoulder and spins her around.

The man looks at her under a hard gaze, almost as if evaluating her.

"Where did you get that necklace?" He asks roughly.

"My father gave it to me before he disappeared. Why?" His face softens to a look of puzzlement.

"Nicole?"

"How do you know my name?" there is a mixture of confusion and fear on her face, and bits of purple had made their way into her eyes.

"When you were little, your father taught you a rhyme-"

"How do you know all of this?" She demands. His hand comes off the hilt of her sword and comes to rest on her other shoulder.

"Nicole, I am your father." Brown specks had replaced some of the purple ones in her eyes. "I gave you that pendant before I left for the sea. It has five diamonds surrounding a black pearl, set in a gold star, on a gold chain, with a fishhook clasp in the back." She knows that he couldn't have had enough time to see the pendant and chain, and the clasp was hidden by her long, flowing, golden wheat colored hair.

"What is your name?" She can't remember her father's last name, but she remembers his first, and only her father could have known all that he said. Except for Mr. Grey.

"Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Daddy?" She whispers. He breaths a sigh of relief, then pulls her into a warm embrace. Nicole starts crying softly into his shoulder. When she should be angry and asking him why he abandoned her and her mother, and didn't he care enough to at least send word to tell them he was alive.

"Yes, daddy's here now, shh..." He gently rubs her back and rocks her back and forth. They sit down on a bench. Nicole cries herself to sleep in her father's arms, and he too, falls asleep.

44444444444

Hmm, let's see, there was the 'Star Wars' Luke/Darth thing, haha. Couldn't resist mate.


	4. The Island of MisFit Toys

Disclaimer: I don't want to have to tell you again. We do not own anything.

Just a warning, part of this was written during lunch at school. I have to do The Evil Cup of Tea's A/N's in ((blah blah blah)) because it refuses to upload brackets.

**_The Evil Cup of Tea:_** Dude, I send you the chapters for a reason. ((I just like annoying you.)) Stephanie just reviewed after I sent it to you. For this chapter and all other chapters, feel free to add whatever you want. ((WOOt! (runs off to do some crazy editing) Muah hah hah... No.))

**_Stephanie:_** Uh, actually... I don't think so. Of course, because if her last name was Sparrow, it would be much too easy. Yes, I just thought that fit perfectly.

**_Aussiesportstar:_** Yes, very corny, but I couldn't help it. Whatever you are imagining as going on, that's probably not what is going to happen. I'm trying to do longer chapters. Sleep is good.

444444444444

The next morning, Nicole wakes up first, but Jack wakes up soon after. They talk for most of the morning.

Will walks over to Nicole's shop. When he gets to the door, he hears quiet voices. One is Nicole's, the other seems familiar, but he can't quite place it. He knocks, and the voices silence.

"Come in." Nicole says. Will enters, but stops when he sees her sitting with her head leaning on Jack's shoulder. He looks angry.

"Jack, what are you doing here? Nicole, Why are you with him?" He starts saying random angry things.

"Will. Will!" She sighs, then comes up to him, puts one hand behind his neck, the other on the back of his head, which is awkward because of her broken arm, and kisses him deeply. She breaks off, but doesn't move her hands. "Will," she says softly, "he is my father. I'm not cheating on you." He sighs and smiles, then pulls her into another kiss. **_I would like to apologize deeply for the following scene of overly described kissing. Thank you._** His tongue seeks entrance into her mouth, her lips parting and granting his wish. Their tongues search each other's mouths. Will's hands run through Nicole's long, flowing, golden wheat colored hair. They part. **_Again, I am very sorry for subjecting you to that torture. _**((So am I))

"So are you two together?" Thank you Captain Obvious Sparrow. Will and Nicole look at each other, smiling.

"Yes, we are." Will answers. Nicole lets a quiet giggle escape her lips.

"What happened to Elizabeth? I thought you were head over heels for her." Will looks uncomfortable and fidgets.

"I was. Then I met Nicole."

"I see. And how is Elizabeth taking it?" Will looks even more uncomfortable and fidgets even more.

"She fell off the fort," Jack raises his eyebrows questioningly. "but she didn't miss the rocks this time." He looks thoughtful, and nods.

444

They spend the day talking, and Will and Nicole snogging, of course. Then, Will brings up the topic of why she is here, which makes no sense whatsoever. But he brings up the topic anyway.

"Well, I want to go save my people, who are being tortured on an island." She says, her arms wrapped around Will's neck, though one of her arms is broken, and sitting on his lap. "and I was looking for someone to help me. I suppose it would be you two who are destined to help me."

"We should leave tonight, under cover of darkness." Jack says. Will and Nicole agree.

Under cover of darkness, for some reason, they sneak off to the docks. As they come up on the Black Pearl, docked in plain view, black sails flying, they see Norrington, who is shouting something to someone on deck. At around midnight.

Quickly, they concoct an exotic and overly elaborate plan. Jack will swing onto the deck, over Norrington. Will will (no pun intended) swim to the other side of and climb up. Nicole will make her tragically sad puppy eyes at Norrington, who will let her onboard without a second thought. Then, they will sail off to the Island of Misfit Toys. Uhh, I mean Mary-Sue Island.

Needless to say, everything went to plan and Norrington waved at them leaving, smiling pleasantly.

Upon reaching the open sea, Will takes Nicole's hand and leads her below deck.

_In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight._

_In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight._

They make their way slowly down the steps.

_Wee-eee-eeee, bum bum baway..._

He sits down on the edge of one of the bunks, and she sits close next to him.

_Hush my darling, don't fear my darling, the lion sleeps tonight._

_Hush my darling, don't fear my darling, the lion sleeps tonight._

"Let's go to bed." Will says, their lips meeting softly. They lie down.

_Wee-eee-eeee, bum bum baway... _((The singing was not my idea. Send all complaints to Arsinoe Selene.))

The next morning, Will and Nicole stand near the helm with Jack. Somehow, the conversation gets around to Nicole's opinion of Jack's hair.

"I don't really like the dreads."

"Why not?" Jack asks.

"Because, then women can't do this." She walks over to Will. Her right hand moves through his hair as they kiss. His left arm wraps around her waist, hand resting on the small of her back. His right hand moves to her neck, and rubs gently and slowly. Nicole's fingers entwine themselves in his hair.

"Land Ho!" comes the shout from the crow's nest.

(("Quickly! To the teleporters!" Jack exclaims, and they all run over to the teleporter pads. Jack opens up his communicator. "Beam me up, Scotty!" he says.))

((Heh, just kidding.))

Jack and Will look in random directions for land while Nicole looks to the island and gasps. Her sparkling sea green eyes loose their sparkle, and her cascading golden wheat colored hair looses its shine and luster. For a moment, she just looks... average. Dun dun dun! Jack and Will hear the gasp, and follow her line of sight to –gasp- a scary yellow pirate ship! Which is, in fact, and oxymoron, but it's dark and they don't realize it's yellow.

They quickly row ashore in the longboats and are greeted with silence.

444444444444444444

I think that's long enough. I'm not quite sure about the chorus of the song, because I found several different versions online. ((I'm just not sure about the song. oO Have you had too much sugar?)) I don't know. Possibly.

((But anyway, that's it for today! Be sure to tune in next time for the next chapter of... err... checks Oh yeah, Mother of all MarySues, the end-all of the MarySue universe.))


	5. StephanieKayla

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda yadda, don't own, blah blah blah.

**_Kale:_** Uh, that's good, right? I know, I'm trying to make the chapters longer, It's just that there are so many convenient chapter endings.

**_PirateBlacksmith:_** Oh, there's more. Believe me, there's more, and they are included in later chapters.

**_Stephanie:_** Yes, very fun, thank you! ((Yay, Stephanie! Just wait 'til this chapter is read... Muah hah hah hah...))

4444444444444

Nicole leads them to the small village, which looks more like a ghost town out of some western movie. There is no sign of Nicole's people or the other pirate crew. A tumbleweed blows by, even though they are on a tropical island.

Nicole fears that they have all been killed. A young girl with shining mocha colored hair and eyes peeks around the side of a nearby building.

"Nicole!" She cries out excitedly. As Nicole looks over to her, the sparkle comes back to her eyes, and her cascading golden wheat colored hair regains its shine and luster.

"Trini!" They run and hug, then link arms and walk back over to Jack and Will.

"All of the others are in the cave over that way." Trini points inland.

"Will you take us there?" Jack asks hurriedly. She nods, and takes the lead as Nicole takes Will's hand. Trini skips off ahead, and they come to the mouth of a large cave.

Once inside, they see about ten or so girls, all with overly described hair and eyes. Jack and Will both nearly have heart attacks. They are all standing except for one girl with short, straight blond hair sitting in the corner, holding her head and rocking back and forth.

"Who's that?" Nicole asks Trini, pointing to the girl.

"Oh, that's Tanya."

"What's wrong with her?" Trini hesitates a moment before answering.

"She is a defect, and became a hermit." Nicole nods. "We don't really like to talk about her." She adds quietly. Jack begins to flirt shamelessly with any girl near him, causing them to giggle and blush.

After spending the night in the cave, they get up to see Tanya mixing some powders and putting the result in small containers with wires sticking out of them. Nicole takes Will's hand and they walk to the mouth of the came. Where they have a snog fest.

"Eh-hem!" Will turns around from kissing Nicole to see a young girl, no more than sixteen and slightly on the short side, with brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, standing there. "Are you the brains, and I use that term lightly, of this outfit?"

"I am." Nicole replies.

"I am first mate Angie on the ship The Sunflower, to Captain Stephanie, sometimes Kayla. I have come for the unconditional surrender of the Mary-Sues."

"We will never surrender!" Nicole proclaims angrily. Angie sighs.

"So you have chosen the hard way. Suit yourself. Meet us on the beach near the ships at noon. We will fight to the death." She walks off back towards The Sunflower.

Back on The Sunflower, Angie walks up to the captain. She has yellow ribbons tied in her hair, a dirty yellow shirt, brown pants, and heavy boots.

"Verdict?" She asks.

"They would not surrender." The feared pirate captain smiles.

"Very good. Valerie! Jessica!" Two girls, on fairly tall with short brown hair, the other significantly shorter in height with an arm sticking out of the top of her head (it's prosthetic) and longer brown hair, come over and salute the schizophrenic pirate captain Stephanie/Kayla. "Go get our new guest. We fight at noon."

"Aye aye, captain!" They shout in unison, and head off below deck. The captain gets a gleam in her eyes as her energy builds up.

"Yellow ribbons, Stephanie!" A girl with frizzy/curly dark hair says this, then disappears. ((This could be either of us authors, actually. We both fit the description. Muah hah hah hah, so which one is it? You'll have to decide.))

With a cry of "Alle mussen Deutsch leben!", a transformation takes place that would rival Sailor Moon's (because it's copied off of Sailor Moon, after all). The background fades away, revealing a sparkling sky of some sort. Stephanie's body becomes wrapped in yellow ribbons, which transform into her Kayla outfit, which really isn't that much different from her Stephanie outfit). Probably the most noticable change is that the yellow ribbons in her hair are much longer now, and a green A's baseball bat appears in her hands.

The pirate captain now called Kayla laughs hyperly, awaiting noontime.

444

"Trini!" Nicole yells, running into the cave. "Trini, we are going to fight the crew of The Sunflower on the beach at noon!"

"We must prepare!" Trini shouts. "Sasha! Gina! Petra! Get the weapons!" The three girls named run off to the back of the cave and grab swords and junk, then pass them all out to everybody else.

They wait in silent anticipation for the time when they are to leave for the Great Beach War. Occasionally, there are small explosions from Tanya's homemade gunpowder, but for the most part no sounds are heard. When the time comes, they all walk to the beach in a V formation.

For the first time, they see their opponents, and to one side of the yellow clad captain is –gasp- Elizabeth. Dun dun dun!

"But... you're supposed to be dead!" Will exclaims, while Nicole just look terrified. The evil pirate captain steps forward.

"You've brought reinforcements! Fun!" She squeaks in an overly hyper way. "I am the evil schizophrenic pirate Captain Stephanie/Kayla! Now I'm going to kill you all!"

"She's in her Kayla form." Nicole whispers to Jack and Will. Jack raises an eyebrow, torn between laughing and running away terrified. Will is still staring at the presumed dead Elizabeth.

Kayla pulls out a green A's baseball bat from seemingly nowhere, and with a cry of "This is gonna be really neat!" she and her crew rush forward.

And the battle is on.

44444444444444

Next chapter for you lovely reviewers. ((But for now you'll have to wait and see who wins... wanna take bets on what happens? I'll hand out cookies to those correct! (::) Yes, that's a cookie. Until next time!!!))

Oh, and on the part with the author cameo, you took out the part that made it you. "...in a single long braid..." My hair isn't that long. (gets whalloped over the head by co-author) Ow!


	6. I love you

Disclaimer: You know the drill...

**_Depp-Luver49:_** Or so you think...

**_The Evil Cup of Tea:_** AHH! (cowers)

**_Coffee Luv, Axe-r of MarySues:_** I feel sorry for your computer.

**_Stephanie:_** I can't believe you used that for your name in German... (shakes head)

4444444444

As the others fight vaguely, Nicole and Kayla face off. Kayla swings her bat, catching Nicole in the shoulder, sending her reeling. Quickly, she counters with a quick thrust with her cutlass, making a long, shallow gash on Kayla's arm. Nearly unfazed, she swings again, is blocked by Nicole's blade, but shakes her up a little. They keep fighting, neither gaining much ground at a time, and Kayla occasionally trying to smash Nicole's head in with her bat.

Tanya runs to the battlefield, and starts throwing little lit, homemade bombs at everyone, and laughing maniacally. After hitting close to many of the fighters, she runs off, still laughing. In her wake, Tanya leaves all of the Mary-Sues, and all of the pirate crew minus Kayla dying.

"Oh no," Nicole gasps, looking at all her fallen comrades and former enemies. She glances at Will, knowing what she must do. One at a time, she kneels beside the wounded, puts her palms on either side of the wounds, whispers some words in Elvish, and their wounds disappear. As she moves among them, she slows down, for with each girl healed part og her life transferred to them.

444

Back in the cave, Tanya pushes the plunger down, sending a spark down each of the two wires. They fizzle a bit, then go out.

"Damn."

444

Having been unable to save Elizabeth (D), Nicole collapses in Will's arms. He holds her tenderly, kneeling on the ground.

"Are you alright?" He asks, voice full of concern. Her breathing is labored, coming in short gasps.

"I..." She pauses. "I love you." Her eyes flutter closed delicately.

"N-Nicole?" Will can't hide the tremor in his voice. He cries out in extreme emotional pain, and weeps.

She dies a tragically tragic death, most tragically. Seeing as all of the pirate crewmembers have been converted to see the logic in the "light" (for some of Nicole is in each of them), all go into deep mourning. Except for the Schizophrenic Pirate Captain Stephanie/Kayla, who still wants to bash all of the Mary-Sue's heads in with her bat. Jessica and Valerie have to drag her away kicking, screaming and flailing. Rather like Gimli in Two Towers.

Later, at Nicole's funeral, they all mourn the loss of their friend, who died an unfair and tragic death.. They bury her at the top of a hill, overlooking the sea. Her headstone identifies her as 'Nicole Mary-sue Lovelock-Sparrow, the most beautiful, talented, lovely' and then gets cut off, because it is too long and it runs under the level of the dirt. Sadly and somberly, they make their way slowly to the sanctuary of the cave, where they start making preparations to move back to the village.

Still later, drinking some yummy hot chocolate, they feel better. The hot chocolate is suspected of being spiked with nitroglycerine, having been made by Tanya. Angie starts talking with Jack, and, both being a bit drunk off of the chocolaty drink, she kisses him on the lips. When she sits back down, having crawled into his lap, Will speaks up.

"You do know that he is old enough to be your father, right?" She looks first a Will, then to Jack, then back to Will.

"You're right." Getting up, she goes over and sits on Will's lap with her arms around his neck, and kisses him. "Yay." She says smiling. Making her very happy, he puts his arms around her waist, holding her close to him.

Will refuses to wear anything but black, giving him a slightly evil look. They walk back to the Black Pearl, and can hear random bangs, crashes, and screams coming from The Sunflower, from the very pissed off pirate captain.

444

Two years later, Tanya is sitting in the cave with a dead deer nearby. There are half a dozen arrows sticking out of it, and some of the meat is roasting over a small fire. She takes a bite, then leans back against the wall and pushes down a small plunger, blowing up the world.

THE END


End file.
